In recent years, educators have been encountering more and more “new-age” parents. In the past, some parents would impose their own desires on their children, showering them with excessive love and trying to fulfill every one of their demands. This often placed tremendous pressure on the kids.
However, today's parents, especially those born in the 70s and 80s, are much more mindful. They recognize their children's strengths and weaknesses, and beyond academic achievements, they value their children's physical and mental well-being and balanced growth.
Many of them also want to avoid being authoritative or dictatorial, so they aim for absolute equality and act more like buddies or friends. But is that really the ideal? A closer look at how families share, trust, set examples, and handle equality suggests a different answer.
Sharing Success and Overcoming Challenges
In the ideal parent-child relationship, children are eager to share their successes with their parents. When they face challenges, they are open to receiving constructive advice and help. Communication and sharing should be equal, but parents must offer deeper, more comprehensive insights that help their children grow intellectually and personally.
These experiences are invaluable for both sides, creating a mutual learning process in which parents and children influence each other and grow together. The better parents conduct themselves, the more their children look up to them, which leads to stronger trust. This, in turn, encourages parents to keep improving, which benefits the whole family.
Understanding and Trusting Parents
Children should be able to understand the hardships their parents face, feel the warmth of their love, and appreciate the wisdom and talents they share. There should be mutual trust and growth. Parents must strive to be a source of warmth and a pillar of strength for their children.
How parents carry themselves, interact with others, and handle challenges greatly influences their children. For instance, children who are kind and considerate, and who get along well with their peers, often have parents who are equally understanding and empathetic.
The Influence of Parental Role Models
A child's upbringing and development are shaped significantly by the example their parents set. Whether it's how to handle success or how to treat others, children are constantly learning from their parents' behavior and attitude. They are more likely to behave well when they see good behavior demonstrated consistently at home.
Parents should also help cultivate good habits early on. When children learn to be punctual, trustworthy, focused, and organized, they are better equipped to succeed in their studies and in life. These qualities don't just help with schoolwork; they shape how a child approaches every challenge in the future.
Equality in Attitude, Not Expertise
Many people advocate an “equal” relationship between parents and children, but this is often a misunderstanding. True equality can exist in the mindset of mutual respect, but not in knowledge and experience. Absolute equality in every aspect would leave the relationship imbalanced.
What matters is creating an environment where parents offer support and guidance based on their life experience. Parents should not be afraid to share what they know, especially when it comes to life's big lessons. Children, on the other hand, should be open to learning from them.
Developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind of the University of California, Berkeley, found in her research on parenting styles that children do best with what she called authoritative parents, who combine warmth and open communication with clear, firm limits. Their children tended to be more self-reliant and self-controlled than those of very strict or very permissive parents.
So, Lykkers, being friendly with your children is fine, but giving up the role of guide is not. A practical start is to listen fully before giving advice, explain the reasons behind your rules, and keep those rules consistent.
